Secretary of Need

From Paul Erhardt, Editor, Outdoor Wire Digital Network


I know who the Secretary of State and the Secretary of Defense is. I know most of the other members of the President’s Cabinet. But I am unfamiliar with this Secretary of Need and am unsure about the Department of Need he—or she—heads up.


There certainly must be one because all I hear on television are officials in the US Government outlining what our citizens don’t need. For instance, I understand that we don’t need a “military-style assault rifle.” We don’t need clips OR magazines that hold more than 10 rounds. Or is it 7 rounds? I’m sure they’ll let us know the final number of rounds we need.


I am so very thankful that we have a Government and a Congress there to make these important decisions for us but am concerned that the Secretary of Need is too narrowly focused on guns. He/she needs to provide further guidance on other questions of need. For instance:


Nobody needs a motor vechicle that goes faster than highway speeds. The Secretary of Need should limit all vehicles to a top speed of 5, maybe 10 miles over the highest speed limit. Imagine the number of lives that would be saved.


Nobody needs a closet full of shoes. I’m sure women—and men—can do with a few total pairs of shoes to cover all possible footwear requirements.


Nobody needs that many 24-hour news networks, and judging by the ratings of MSNBC it’s pretty clear that most Americans feel the same way. One less cable news channel won’t be missed.


Nobody needs a keg of beer. Unless you are a bar or restaurant there is absolutely no need for one of these high-capacity alcohol containers that are designed to do just one thing: Get people drunk as fast as possible. Countless lives have been lost due the the unrestricted access to these high-capacity alcohol devices. Limiting the capacity of alcohol containers available to individuals to something along the lines of just 6 cans or bottles would save lives. Even if we saved just one life, it would be well worth it.


Nobody needs the ultra-violence of professional football. With all the data on head and brain injuries and the off-the-field violence, especially towards women, removing the hitting from football and replacing it with, what is arguable the equally thrilling, touch or flag version of tackle football makes sense. Reasonable people can agree that eliminating the hitting in football doesn’t stop anybody from playing football. Even the President himself, as a parent, has voiced concern about tackle football, giving the Secretary of Need plenty of political clout to “tackle” this critical issue.


This is just a short list of things we don’t need but it’s ample evidence for why we do need a Secretary of Need to make for us the difficult yet important decisions. The Declaration of Independence identified the “unalienable Rights” of “Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness” but the Founding Fathers didn’t mean “unlimited” life, liberty and happiness. Some reasonable restrictions must apply and we have the Secretary of Need to guide us…whoever they are.


Read more in our April 2013 issue. Back issues are available.

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